The Benchwarmers

Oh God, it is never going to end, is it? The Benchwarmers is another Happy Madison production, that bastard production company that churns out low-grade comedy sludge at a pace only founder Adam Sandler can maintain. Movies made under the Happy Madison logo have ranged in quality from utterly horrific (Big Daddy) to only mildly hideous (Anger Management). The Benchwarmers, a Sandler-less mess starring his favorite pair of parasites (Rob Schneider and David Spade), will undoubtedly mark a new low point for the production company that strives to lower its standards with each subsequent film.

The Benchwarmers is about a trio of losers (Schneider, Spade, and the grossly overrated Jon Heder) who start up a business of playing against little league teams. Yes, 3 grown men play baseball against kids for a living. Oh, one can only imagine the hijinks that will ensue. Jon Lovitz is the man that pays them, because he wants them to beat all of the locals bullies so that his son will be more socially accepted.

Yes, that really is the plot. And I probably don't have to tell you whether or not the trailer contains scenes of a baseball striking testicles or a grown man being beaten up by kids.

The cast? I never thought I'd say this, but Rob Schneider appears to be the only stand-out. He more or less plays the straight man, and his usual wacky antics are not present (at least not in the trailer I saw). Spade is capable of playing 2 roles: smarmy sarcastic ass, or whining nerd. Here he plays the second. Badly. And Jon Heder apparently is playing Napolean Dynamite sans wig, as his voice and general appearance suggest no other difference.

So, if you liked The Animal, The Hot Chick, and Joe Dirt.......well, then I guess you couldn't be reading this review anyway. For those of us who can read good, don't watch The Benchwarmers.